Revision- Professor comment below
My main comments concern the project’s (1) argument and (2) use of evidence. In the first case–this project has a central focus on a specific place, but most of the essay reads as an informational text, rather than a persuasive one. Here, I think developing a specific, non-obvious, and debatable thesis claim abut the place would be beneficial. In the second case–the project introduces a lot of interesting ideas and as a reader I was so curious to know more about the specifics, details, and stakes of those ideas. Here, I think expanding (1) the use of outside sources in the form of direct quotes, paraphrasing, and summary and (2) your persuasive discussion of those ideas would be beneficial. I also think it would helpful to consider the broader significance here–what is at stake in this school? Moving forward, I recommend a whole scale revision focused on (1) further developing the driving argument and (2) expanding the project’s use of evidence (doing so will also help the draft to meet that specified word count range of 1500-1800 words).