The Paper is the first draft and received peer review and comments from the instructor. I have attached the comments from the instructor below:
“You’ve made a good start on a really important topic. Thanks for taking up this issue. I’ve left a number of margin notes, but here are a few more revision suggestions:
You tend to lose focus and stray from your initial problem statement; as you revise, keep focused on the question of how rioting impacts minority communities.
Here’s an article that examines the impact in detail:
https://quillette.com/2020/05/30/americas-black-communities-are-suffering-violent-protests-will-make-the-suffering-worse/
And an article that provides a close study of rioting’s impact on property values:
https://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/blogs/freakonomics/pdf/MargoRiotsRain.pdf
Open with a concrete example of how rioting has affected a real community (pathos).
Proofread for grammar and sentence eloquence; your prose is sometimes difficult to understand.
You’re also using a lot of unnecessary repetition; trim it out.
Your stylistic goal should be to say as much as possible in as few words as possible.
Improve source introductions and integration. For integration, keep an eye on subject-verb agreement and proper use of predicates.”